If Tomorrow Never Comes

Growing up, my older brother had a truly magical coin collection. I collected coins too (I used to copy people a lot), and I lived in constant envy of his more expansive collection. History was my favorite subject, so I was especially drawn to those coins with a story of some kind attached to them, such as those from the Third Reich, the Silver Penny, or - the jewel in my personal collection - a coin from the Constantine era of Rome. Phil had some pretty interesting pieces, and I particularly coveted one acquisition of his - the Confederate $5 bill. Oh, how I wanted it. I don't think Philip cared about the bill in any sense of his own, but it's value in my eyes made it incredibly useful to him. I spent countless hours sitting quietly at the foot of his bed, watching him peruse his collection. I knew that, if I flattered him enough as he fluffed his ego and counted his coins, I might get to hold the bill before he put it away. It was always worth it.

One Saturday, Phil was feeling particularly lazy. He had been told to clean the garage before Monday, but his friend was over and he wasn't too interested. He tried to coax me into doing his chore for him, but I was having none of it. None of his normal tricks or promises were working, and he really didn't want to clean. So, in a moment of desperation, he promised me what I wanted most: the Confederate $5 bill. I wasn't taking any chances, so I demanded that he give me the prize then and there, with our little brother as my witness. He shook his head emphatically. "No Charissa, you can have it tomorrow. Clean the garage today, and I'll give it to you tomorrow." I should have been suspicious when I saw his friend snicker at these words. I wasn't. I cleaned. In fact, I've never worked so hard in my life. I cleaned that garage until it fairly sparkled - I was taking no chances. The next day, I marched up to him in triumph and demanded the bill. It was mine, and tomorrow had come.

Some of you have older siblings. Some of you are older siblings. Therefore all of you should be familiar with this particular game. It's a cruel one. Phil fixed me with a smug look of triumph and informed me that, actually, it was Today. I was confused...of course it was today, but it was also tomorrow. Yesterday, I had been promised something tomorrow, which was today. Right? Wrong. According to older brothers, Tomorrow never comes. And neither do Confederate $5 bills.

Blame it on my older brother (like I do), but I think I’ve always been a little paranoid that Tomorrow won’t come. I mean, in my actual experience, it always does. November 10th can only last so many hours, and my birthday has never failed to make an appearance. My last semester in college felt like it would never end but, eventually, I found myself walking across that auditorium stage (without even tripping), which separates those who are Young from those who are Grownups. The six weeks I spent as a cripple after I broke my foot (in a moment of sheer awkwardness) really did feel like an eternity. But, in reality, it was only 6 weeks. Tomorrow came, just as I knew it would.

Last August, I acquired some new friends. I wasn’t sure I wanted them, and I really had no idea what to do with them. I spent a great deal of time fretting over the expectations I was sure these new friends held over me. It was exhausting, let me tell you. And then the Living Word spoke to me through Hebrews 3:13: "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none will be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." As long as it is called Today. I liked that. I’m not afraid of Today, as long as there is an end in sight. It seemed like a beautiful idea, learning to move and grow within a body - as long as it is called Today. Living, laughing, and loving – as long as it is called Today. I defined everything by that limitation, using it as my guide, all the while dreaming of Tomorrow. It was as though I was reliving the scenario of the Confederate bill. If I cleaned the garage today, I would receive my heart’s desire tomorrow. The months dropped away one by one, and February 26th loomed large. I knew it would be difficult to leave. I expected it to be. But the pain of separation was a small price to pay for my Tomorrow, and I had no qualms or fears.

Until one night in January, when everything changed. I went to Him. I showed Him the garage I had cleaned oh-so-faithfully. I held out my hand for my reward. And I discovered that Tomorrow had not come.

I’m not comparing God to a vindictive older brother. I want that to be clear. But at that moment, I found myself transported to the emotional state of an 8-year-old who has lost her heart’s desire. You know, kind of like when Brian works so hard at the saloon for the horse, only to have Hank snatch it away: “It’s just business.” My stormy soul ranted and raved against a God who would refuse me my Tomorrow. I had worked for it. I had dreamed of nothing else. I had endured Today for the sole reason that I found in it my promise for Tomorrow.

It took me a few months to sort this out. I still am. But I discovered something recently. I hadn’t been able to read Hebrews 3 since that night in January. I didn’t want to think about Tomorrow, because it only served to remind me that I was stuck in Today. But, as I was having a hard time accepting this whole “let’s have a group blog!” thing, I found my thoughts wandering of their own accord to Hebrews. “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today.” Fine, I told Him, I’ll contribute to the damn blog, if it’s so important (which I’m doing...right now). But that’s not all He wanted to show me: "As long as it called Today." Suddenly, something made sense for the first time: Today is not a punishment. Today was not something to be endured, something to suffer through in hopes of a greater reward. Today was not a test, an assignment, or a set of obligations and expectations to fulfill before I could finally embrace Tomorrow. It was all quite shocking. Today is a gift. God had not snatched the immediate future away from me just to see how much it would hurt. Rather, He was giving me the gift of Today – a beautiful compilation of moments and memories with which He was not yet finished.

That’s all good and well, but I learned something else, too. There really is some truth in my brother’s words. In some ways, Tomorrow never comes. It will always be Today. There is something eternal and long-lasting about Today. It isn't nearly as transitory as I had imagined and, in that sense, my brother was right. Today is here for the long-haul. Life isn’t meant to have these constant, abrasive starts and stops – Today and Tomorrow should not be so clearly marked or anticipated. Today flows naturally into Tomorrow, which eventually becomes Yesterday. Mindy can tell you a pretty cool story signifying this: it involves some shepherds, some sheep, the wilderness, and a sea breeze. But the point is that we, as Christians, are called to: Consider the lilies of the field. They don’t worry about their weekend plans, or try to make their life epic on their own. Yet I tell you not even Sully in all his splendor lived such an interesting life. If that is the future God gives to the grass of the field, which is here today before Bambino poops all over it (because I forgot a bag again), will he not make sure you live a full life as well? So do not worry, saying “What will we do after Korea!” or “How will I finish paying off my loans before I’m 80?” For the pagans (some early manuscripts read: “Canadians”) run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows you need them. But SEEK FIRST HIS KINGDOM and His righteousness, and you will be allowed to leave Korea before it kills you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own, especially when you live with someone as high maintenance as Kelly.

This is the Word of the Lord. Go and do likewise.